Tuesday, December 28, 2010

It was the best of times...

It was the worst of times.  2010 is on its way out, ya'll.  And I cannot be any more ecstatic about it.  How was your 2010?  Did anyone else have a bad year or was it just me?  2010 was beyond stressful.  Like many the world over, I lost my job earlier this year.  A job in which I'd been at for 10 years.  I don't know about anyone else, but not having a job is not only stressful, but it is freaking embarrassing.  Everyone knows how poor the economy is, but when you're unemployed, people still look at you like "what's her deal? Get a job already! Geez!"  And while your friends all recognize you are unemployed, their funds have not diminished, and so they continue to invite you to the places that you used to go to.  Places that you used to be able to afford but can no longer because you don't have a job.  And because they are gainfully employed, they feel a twinge of guilt over your economic hardships (while nonetheless thinking "better you than me!") and when you don't accept their well-meaning attempts at charity, the invites diminish and eventually stop.  I get it.  Some people like staring at train wrecks, while others merely choose to look the other way.  point taken.  So in 2010, not only did I lose my job, but I lost my joy, zeal, dignity, and self-respect.  Dang.  That's alot to lose in one year.

But on the flipside.....I also lost something else of equal, if not greater, importance.  I lost weight.  50 pds., to be exact.  And with that loss came many gains.  I gained back the self-respect that I'd lost along with the job.  I gained self-confidence.  I again started to like person I was seeing in the mirror.  I gained courage - much needed courage to be able to set goals for myself and courage to work towards reaching them.  Courage to put away self-hate, self-doubt, and work towards becoming a better person.  Ok, so I never really hated myself.  But I have always been plagued by self-doubt and indecision.  I'm a second-guesser from waaay back.  And I've always hated that about myself.  It takes courage to change things that are deeply ingrained.  But you have to do it or things will always stay the same (duh?).  For me that was not an option.  I want change.  I need change.  I want more for myself.  I need more for myself.  That being said, 2011 is going to be the bomb!  And so really,... I guess I have you to thank, 2010.  Without your crapping on me so badly, I never would've come to this epiphany.  So while it may be fitting for me to offer expressions of appreciation and gratitude, let me just say this:


No comments:

Post a Comment