Sunday, November 27, 2011

"Revelation Nowwww......" (Do You Think That You Can Front When Revelation Comes?)

I used to be a very indecisive person.  When it came to "Decision-Making 101" - EPIC FAIL!  I sucked. I couldn't make a decision to save my life. For the record, I am talking about big decisions, not inconsequential ones like what to wear or what to have for dinner.  I'm speaking about big, life-altering decisions.  I sucked.

Part of the reason for this was the inability to shut out the "voices".  No, not voices in my head, but the voices of others.  I come from a small, tight knit family who is very close and has a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y. no problem vocalizing opinions.  And always ready with the "Chicki Tee, don't do this" and "Chicki Tee, you shouldn't do that!  You need to..."  There was no shortage of unsolicited advice in my household.  Trust.  It came quick, fast, and in a hurry.  It was always rooted in love, no doubt, but it was very discouraging and detrimental to growth.  No blame-placing, but what it did was cause me to doubt and second-guess everything I did or said.  But eventually being weak-minded became exhausting.  I realized that I had become a punk.  Children need to be spoon fed guidance 24/7, not adults.  Recalling the words of Janet "Miss Jackson If You're Nasty" Jackson: "When I was 17, I did what people told me.  Did what my father said and let my mother mold me. But that was long ago, I'm in control...." - I realized I had come to resent opinions being imposed on me. And what is more, I resented that Miss Jackson was still a teenager whilst claiming her independence - I was going on 25!  And I accepted full responsibility.  People only do to you what you allow to be done.  Unless you are a wooden boy with a huge schnozzle, you control your own thoughts and actions. I had grown tired of my Gepetto(s).  Let me be clear: My family weren't bullies - I was just a punk. Point blank period. (Sidebar: hate that phrase)

I wish I could define the moment I had this grand epiphany, but there really wasn't one.  There was no aha moment.  I guess I just woke up.  And grew up.  I make my own decisions and whether good, bad, or ugly - I claim every one of them!   My family loves me and they only want the best for me.  But the thing is, no one really knows what is really and truly best for a person except that person.  "You may think you know, but you have no idea."  SO FALL BACK.

I pray over my decisions now.  Yeah, I know you're thinking "Yo, how is that any different?  You're still asking someone else to make the decision for you, right?"  Well, it's not really the same thing.  I'm the kind of person who was raised to look before I leap.  But sometimes (shhh!) -  I don't want to look first.  I just want to leap!  And those are the decisions I usually have to pray about.  The ones where the result is going to be either a soft landing or.... a SPLAT!!!  No in-betweens.  I think I'm facing a decision like that right now in my life.  I'm at a crossroads. ("Bum bum bum bummm...")  I encountered this very situation 10 years ago and was actually good with the (heavily family-influenced) decision that I made.  Today, facing this same situation 10 years later and being a fully grown woman, I'm less inclined to look for or listen to opinions.  In fact, I'm just straight not accepting them.  I know what my needs are and I know how I want them fulfilled.  Point blank period. (there it is again).  I come from a family of "we told you so"ers from waaaaay back.  Someone once said "the greater the risk, the greater the reward."  I'm not sure if that is true or not worries.  If it's false, I'm pretty sure I know some people who will have no problem pointing out the fallacy of that thinking. After the fact.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

I've mentioned before that I'm not really a big shopper.  And that's not bank account-dependant either - I just don't really like to shop.  More specifically, I can't stand malls.  I find no joy in aimlessly wandering the mall, traipsing from store to store, bags in tow, all the while dodging wild, horny teenagers.  That was fun for me maybe when I was a wild horny teenager, but not so much today.  Not a mall person at all.  And yet that is the very place where I will find myself on this very night (or should I say tomorrow) when the mall doors open at midnight for BLACK FRIDAY 2011.  Or as I like to call it: The.Annual.Running.Of.The.Bulls.

Yo, for real, Black Friday is like the Olympics of Shopping.  People have been training saving all year long just to shop on this one day.  What in the world?  True story: I was dragged, kicking and screaming, out of my bed on my very first Black Friday some years ago by a couple of friends.  Outside of Black Friday media coverage, I had no idea what to expect.  In the cold at 3 am, the only thing I could focus on was how cold and tired I was.  And evidently I'd missed the inaudible "on your mark...get set...get ready" because ALL OF THE SUDDEN - chaos broke out!  People were running, and pushing, and shoving, and screaming, and shoving, and pushing, and running....  It was sheer madness!  And I was hooked!  The hilarity of it all was unreal, yet oddly addictive.  Three stores and several purchases later, I was back at home by 9 am. And as I surveyed my booty loot, I understood why people got so caught up with Black Friday.  It's not about the shopping - it's about the experience.  There's a reason why Mrs. Shawn Carter named her concert "The Beyonce EXPERIENCE".  Because it's not just a concert - it's like nothing you've ever seen before!  A stellar performance by the ultimate performer (at least such is the claim).  Black Friday is not just about the so-called 'deals' on sometimes sketchy and often "re-manufactured" merchandise - it's also as much about the crowds, the camraderie, the competition, the pushing, the screaming, the shoving, the pushing, the pushing....All the elements that should rightfully take away from this event somehow actually work really well together.  Go figure?!?!?

Although I have only 1 item to purchase on my list (Nikon camera), I will be doing the requisite 'holy trinity' of Black Friday stores: Walmart, Target and Best Buy.  Just for kicks and giggles.  I'm definitely not, however, looking forward to the "midnight madness at the mall" part but I did promise a friend so, is what it is.  Anyway - Running.With.The.Bulls.2011.  Will let you know how it went!

* What's on your Black Friday list???

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

"And the award for the best male/female ACTOR goes to".....

They say that FACEBOOK is the #1 relationship killer.  I believe that wholeheartedly.  I have seen many a person throw away a relationship with the person that they are w/ to be with a person that they have never met.  Online.  On FACEBOOK.  A person that they have "fallen in love with"...on FACEBOOK.  Online.  Wow.  That's serious.  That is sad.   

We are taught from a young age not to "talk to strangers" and to not believe everything we see or more fittingly, read.  And yet Facebook continues to be the #1 relationship destroyer.  Really?  Anyone can type up a profile about who they claim they are, how "real" they are, what they do for a living, how "large" they are living, etc etc.  Someone once said "Welcome to Facebook - where you can be anyone you want!"  You are 500 pds. w/ 3 teeth in your mouth and you want to look like Halle Berry? CUT AND PASTE.  CLICK, UPLOAD...DONE!  You have $3 in your bank account but you want to be an online baller?  Type...type...DONE!  You have only 1 friend in real life, yet 1,000 on Facebook.  Madame (Social) Butterfly!  And my personal favorite:  The ones who are constantly updating their profiles to show all in FANTASY-land FACEBOOK-land just how witty and intelligent they are by spouting clever colloquiums & other pearls of sage-like wisdom but come off sounding like the Damon Wayans "educated-convict" character from "In Living Color".  And the endless barrage of wannabe MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS on Facebook is mildly nauseating.  As are the "I-keep-it-REAL"'ers.  In Fantasy-land Facebook-land, that could almost be classified as an oxymoron.

The truth of the matter is this:  There IS no truth on Facebook.  The name should be changed to FAKEbook.  Anyone with half a brain knows that Facebook, as well as many social networking sites, are all about the FANTASY.  And yet, Facebook continues to be the #1 relationship destroyer.  To the person that will inevitably argue that "if the relationship was solid it the first place".....yada yada yawn.  Ask any divorce lawyer worth his salt and he will tell you that the only way to protect your relationship from dying a painful Facebook-induced death is to step.away.from.the.Facebook.  Apparently there are no relationships solid enough to withstand the lure of this social phenomenon that is Facebook.

And back to our regularly scheduled soapbox rant: So people are exiting relationships with people that they know & (used to) love to be in relationships with people that they think they know.  No judgement from this corner, but a word of caution: There is always somone who is a better writer and a better actor.  Let's hope that new relationship can withstand Facebook as well.

Don't get it twisted - I have a Facebook page.  I'm not knocking Facebook it itself, I'm knocking how people use it.  Just be careful.  Be smart.  Be safe.  "I'm just sayin...."