Saturday, December 29, 2012

Dumb Blonde

2012 was not a great year for me.  I made a lot of stupid mistakes in 2012.  A lot of dumb mistakes.  I put myself through a lot of needless, unnecessary heartache just by making dumb mistakes.  I made some bad decisions.  I fell in love.  But I tried to make something fit that did not fit.  And I ignored the cardinal rule: DO NOT TRUST YOUR HEART.  That was the #1 dumbest mistake I made in 2012.  Let me explain.... 

When facing big decisions, oftentimes the mind and the heart are at odds.  The mind tells you to go one way, while the heart tells you the complete opposite.  When you are at a crossroads, which one do you listen to?  Many times, the mind - using logic and reason - gives you the right answer.  The correct answer.  The best answer.  But because we are human, that's not the answer that we're looking for.  That's not what we want to hear.  We don't want what is good for us, we want what feels good to us.  The heart wants what it wants, right?  A deeply flawed statement that should never be touted as gospel.  I shant preach to you, but there is a reason that Biblically we are warned "the heart is treacherous and is desperate - who can know it?" (Jere. 17:9) 

The definition of treacherous?  "Guilty of or involving betrayal or deceit, marked by hidden danger".  How can the heart betray you?  By "wanting what it wants."   Your heart can fool you into believing that the object of your affection is good for you, when in reality it is anything but.  In the beginning, it all looks good (hidden danger) and everything is lovely and great. But eventually, those warning signs go off and the danger alarms start blaring louder and louder...  and you can choose to listen or ignore.  But really - would you "follow" a person that you knew was desperate or treacherous?  That you knew was deceitful or would end up betraying you?  A person who is desperate is reckless and will do a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. to get what they want.  A person who is deceitful is a l.i.a.r.  If you knew that about a person, would you still "follow" them?  (Is anyone else picturing Samuel L. Jackson as the filthy crack addict desperately trying to score his next fix in the movie "Jungle Fever"?  Just me?  Okay....)

Honestly, sometimes following your heart yields disasterous results.  Fortunately for me, I didn't go too far so the results were not quite as bad as they could have been.  But as mentioned, I did put myself through needless and unnecessary pain and heartache.  And a heart that is finding it hard to let go.

I'm trying something new in 2013.  2013 is all about the brainpower.  Sure, we all make human dumb decisions from time to time, but I refuse to let an entire year be marked by one.  I am not a dumb person.  So really then, I guess I'm not trying "something new" in 2013.  I'm just going back to my roots.


  1. Hunny love, we ALL go through this! Trust me, my heart has been the bane of many of my past relationship demises and heartaches. Even though "I, as in me, & my brain" should have known better. Especially when ALL the signs are there pointing to "NO" your heart just keeps saying and wanting YES. 2013 will be the year of strength, resilience, and knowing when yes sometimes means NO... LOL, good luck with 2013, I know you have great things in store!

  2. Hey Neiko! Good to know I'm not the only one. I tell you, when the head and heart are at odds...oohwee!!! Looking forward to this year though. ;)